{"id":7025,"date":"2019-06-11T09:05:02","date_gmt":"2019-06-11T13:05:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/?p=7025"},"modified":"2019-06-11T10:17:31","modified_gmt":"2019-06-11T14:17:31","slug":"failing-to-hope-the-best-in-my-neighbors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/blog\/failing-to-hope-the-best-in-my-neighbors\/","title":{"rendered":"Failing to Hope the Best in My Neighbors"},"content":{"rendered":"[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1\/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]\n

\"\"THIS ARTICLE IS TAKEN FROM
\nTHE CONVERGENCE QU\u00c9BEC<\/em> BLOG<\/p>\n[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” top_padding=”30″ overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” shape_type=””][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1\/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]\n

Choosing to leave behind reciprocal relationships for real ones<\/h3>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]You really didn\u2019t have to do this,\u201d John, my downstairs neighbor assures me. \u201cIt\u2019s very generous of you, thank you.\u201d Later he tells me the homemade pizza I handed him was delicious\u2014the best crust he\u2019s tasted. A simple, grateful compliment has never made me feel more ashamed. But to me it wasn\u2019t even a pizza. It was a bribe.<\/p>\n

My wife and I live in a small triplex apartment in Montreal, sandwiched between upstairs and downstairs neighbors. It\u2019s a situation we were excited about when we joined a new church with a vision to move into the neighborhood. This experience yielded the slow-won fruit of deepening fellowship with other church members. But the open-door policy among brothers and sisters has been more difficult to extend to my unbelieving neighbors. I\u2019m convinced the source of this difficulty isn\u2019t rooted in the hearts of my neighbors, but in my own.[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\n

Pizza with Strings Attached<\/h3>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]I don\u2019t actively think ill of my neighbors but I fail to hope the best in them. My assumptions suggest that relationships must be reciprocal\u2014that accounts must be kept and balanced, lest I become the recipient of too much kindness and lose the privilege of being the good neighbor. This thinking led me to sweeten a recent request to use the backyard, which belongs to John and Janis downstairs, with a homemade pizza. They made it very clear we could use their space whenever we wanted, but I had already hedged my bets, and I couldn\u2019t help but hang on to the power the pizza gave me. I would owe nothing.<\/p>\n

With no conscious effort on my part, the truth that my hope and freedom was bought by God\u2019s mercy had mutated into a functional belief that Jesus\u2019 sufficiency for my need meant I was sufficient for the needs of the unsaved. It\u2019s a wonder I hadn\u2019t given up on evangelism years ago, although, maybe I already had. This self-sabotage was motivated by an unhealthy approach to evangelism, one where every moment I wasn\u2019t obviously moving my neighbors closer to salvation; I was failing to earn my keep in the kingdom.<\/p>\n

This thinking has calcified over time into barriers against relationships with neighbors, coworkers, and even many close friends. When sharing the hope of the gospel is a duty that can be done successfully or unsuccessfully, other people become potential successes (or failures) in my self-righteous trophy case, not friends. Which was the problem. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever desired friendship from the targets of my evangelistic efforts; I\u2019ve desired results.[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\n

Do I even care about my neighbors?<\/h3>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\nThe most frustrating part of these adventures in neighborliness has been how my desire to reach my neighbors (save them) and my desire to be self-sufficient form a crippling cloud of guilt. I think, I have to do this, but I can\u2019t. I want to love my neighbors, but I don\u2019t, and I\u2019m not very good at putting myself into a position to make that happen.<\/p>\n

Convinced of my inability, I got what I wanted deep in my heart: the purpose of a divine mission and a safe distance from my neighbors. I was able to pat myself on the back for acts of service like delivering cookies on Christmas morning, righting overturned trash cans, and that classic Canadian kindness: shoveling the walkway. But this service never coalesced into shared life\u2014I talked a good game but real intimacy wasn\u2019t something I was willing to chance. The risks frightened me; the precious illusions of self-sufficiency I project might not stand up to closer scrutiny, especially to eyes and ears mere feet from my tottering kingdom.<\/p>\n

Growing frustration with the \u201cprogress\u201d I wasn\u2019t making with my neighbors led me to question my assumptions. Did I care about my neighbors? Did I even like them? I didn\u2019t, not truly, and certainly not for their own sake. The guilt I\u2019d felt soured into shame. I wasn\u2019t behaving like a sinner saved by grace; I was behaving like a little savior.[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\n

Recognizing that I need my neighbors as much as they need me.<\/h3>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]If I wanted the barriers to come down, I knew I had to get more comfortable with my own need. So, I started asking for help. It hasn\u2019t ushered in a state of divine hospitality, but it has made me happier to see my neighbors\u2014and they\u2019re smiling back. I missed several deliveries and asked the woman upstairs to hold the packages until I got home. I also expressed an interest in the downstairs couple\u2019s garden and mustered the grace to accept planters, marigold seeds, and free access to all their gardening tools to join in. I can only guess at the reasons, but having my own needs has made our interactions longer and more frequent, and I feel as if I\u2019m getting to know my neighbors for the first time.<\/p>\n

Throwing out my pretence of self-contained sufficiency is nurturing a mutual hospitality. I\u2019m not required to serve my neighbors into submission. Rather, I\u2019m learning to value them for their own sake, and not just my own. I\u2019m the one who needed to be disarmed of my assumptions and tendency to privilege profit over people. Now, three years after introductions, and mere weeks after paying them off with a pizza, all the neighbors will be getting together for a backyard garden party.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what the boomer bohemians downstairs think of my kitchen garden dreams, or whether the young Syrian woman upstairs thinks I make too many Amazon orders, but I know there will be more pizza with no strings attached. I can\u2019t think of a better way to start sharing more of life than by sharing a slice and enjoying the grace of a shared backyard in the city\u2014no strings attached.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1\/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”]

<\/div><\/div>[\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” equal_height=”yes” content_placement=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” shape_type=””][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1\/6″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”]
\"\"<\/div><\/div>[\/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”5\/6″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]\n

Matthew Civico<\/b> writes and teaches from Montreal, QC, where he and his wife do their best to prize food and cheer and song above hoarded gold. His writing has been featured at Christ and Pop Culture<\/a>,The Curator<\/a>, CBC, and TGC-Canada<\/a>. He blogs at mattcivico.com<\/a> and tweets @mattCivico<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1\/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text] THIS ARTICLE IS TAKEN FROM THE…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":7029,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[51],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-7025","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-shining-forth"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7025","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7025"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7025\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7033,"href":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7025\/revisions\/7033"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7029"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7025"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7025"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/missionqc.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7025"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}